She Remembers

I forgot you
but you did not forget me.
When I found myself
on the gray plain where no hope survives
among the damned carefully walking
within the lines but still falling
where truth and love
are despised and distrusted
and ecstasy is unknown
when I walked alone
friends and family enemies
you were there even then
in the eyes of the cats who adopted me
in the lions and leopards of my room
in the flashing mane of the girl down the street
in the holy glory and sacred beauty
of the sun in the sky warming me
a pat on the back from a friend
even then you were with me.

I forgot you
but you did not forget me
even in the hour of the wolf when I turned to shadow
worshiping destruction
lost in clouds of vengeance
on the shore of suicide
in the river of murder
in the falling off the cliff
helpless in the hands of my enemies
you were there
in the one eared cat
who taught me how to share
in the wild hair of the fierce girls
of California summer
you found me in my despair
and even when you rescued me
at rainbow’s end, at sunset
I did not see you standing there.

I forgot you
but you did not forget me
when you burned a lion headed incense stick
and spoke your name in my dream
the old Cherokee said it was a signal
to begin the planned for mission
but I had only dreams to follow
all learning rang hollow
in remembering.

Adorable, beautiful, merciful, invincible
all words fail
Everything noble you are
everything wonderful is your symbol
your ornament, your art
and even the absence of you
in the wandering through hells of forgetting
through the limbos and purgatories of religions
is your gift to us
that we may fall in love again
rescued again
like bloodied and dirty cubs
warm and safe under your rough tongue
in your hot breath we doze
begging for more of your presence.